Intellectual Boot Camp, IRT

I still haven't had a good night's sleep and still jet lagged but it feels good.. Today was our first day and I facilitated class. For a narrative on American Indian boarding schools I had the class draw out signs of dehumanization and then compared them to how schools can be a dehumanizing experience today. I cannot tell you how good it feels to be around a large group of folks of color wanting to work in education and covering some dense material. It feels safe. To talk about white supremacy while unpacking Gramsci, Althusser, and Stuart Hall with future teachers of color is beautiful. Its definately an environment for growth and a space for springing forth some new ideologies. Tomorrow we are looking at crime and punishment and Foucault, Giroux, Bhattacharjee (?), Arsanjani & Reisman (?). It will be hard to update yall cause the work is really dense and our days are PACKED! But now that I got my internet fixed, I will try, I promise.

Today while beginning on our orientation on the GRE, one of our students fainted outside of the classroom due to a hemmoroids condition. He also had presented today. I rode with him to the hospital. Life is so unexpectant and I think I was brought back down to earth and reminded of the things I often take for granted. Doctor said he'll be fine. Came back drained and took the GRE practice test and scored really bad. Not really trippin', knowing the politics of these tests (also owned by S.A.T.) and the fact that they tell you NOTHING about your qualification for grad school.

Staff has been really fun, supportive, and GREAT resources with varying perspectives. No, I haven't figured out the whole M.A.T. vs Ph.D. situation. Most students here though have no idea what they are going to focus on though. I feel I have a better sense of direction than alot of folx. I think with some staff support and talking to my mentor it'll be an easier decision to make.

Participants are so varied in experiences, and it amazes me how we all are drawn to similar goals. Folx from the midwest, south, both coasts, and even Korea and Trinidad &Tobago. Excited to collaborate with more folks on a personal level, but I've been kickin it with three dope women and already growin attatched. Seminars are lively and I'm finally feeling challenged within a classroom setting. Its about 10:30pm and I need to get started on some readings. Hope I get into the groove of things soon, post here more often, and chat with some of yall (AIM: LaTigera81).. I'll also be dropping by the Radical WOC Think Tank with some contributions.. Wish I had a digi camera so I could share some images right away..
BTW,
If yall wanna send me some love, a postcard, or some good healthy midnight snacks:

Rosa Cabrera
c/o Institute for Recruitment of Teachers
Phillips Academy
180 Main Street
Andover, MA 01810

I'll be here till July 22nd..
Much Luv,
Tigera
P.S. Posted some Black and White Photos. Slideshow commin soon. I'm tryna find the best setup to make it easier for folx to purchase some photography (which I am still sellin while I'm out here!). I'm sad that I didn't have time to scan all my black and whites but I got a few good ones in...

Back on the Ball

And still broke...

Although I just got my computer back and I can't wait to post up my black and whites! I got and sent out the first batch of 12 x 18 colors and they are so fuckin tight! I am SO into big sizes now.. so much more detail that I didn't really notice was there.. Can't wait to get my black and whites oversized!

Workin at the school has been a BLAST! My students are grindin on black and whites on structural/symbolic/every day violence; immigration rights; education; and youth culture.. These WILL be posted up too before I bounce off to Massechussettes! I'm also helpin out my mentors with their A.P. Sociology class, and they are workin on research projects for their hoods.. the group I am working with in particular is looking at "embourgeoisement thesis" in their community, involving powerpoint presentations, research papers, and a dope ass documentary...of course....this also will get posted by tomorrow when its finalized. :) For their academic classes (humanities, math, science, ect..), students have to do additional presentations in front of peers and community members on some of subject matter they've been working on this friday in a series of "exhibitions". Maybe I'll shoot some video of this and post some good ones up too..

And now that I've gotten my computer back I can move back to plannin the rest of my life (so sad I know!).
Part of my research project for my internship is to look at programs I plan to study in grad school. I've been asking a few people questions about Phd studies before I got my computer back. I'm feeling undecisive about how to go about this. My plan evolved into persuing a masters in english education and then go on to an urban education phd program. Now I'm reconsidering just going straight into the phd program knowing that my ultimate goals are to influence schools and start one if not a series of community schools in nyc. I need to and want to teach, though. So I'm wondering if these education/urban education/learning and teaching/education, culture, and society phd programs (as they are specifically named by some of the universities I looked at) will qualify me for the coursework necessary to take credential tests for nyc schools... And even if they are, is it a smart or a dumb idea to skip the english master's program, knowing that it might provide me with some support for teaching specifically in the subject area??? Hmmm...

Still Here

In case yall been wonderin where I've been in the blog world.. they're still takin ages to fix up my computer.. I see there's been alot of action lately and I missed the recent carnaval :( I'll be back full blast soon as I get ma baby back ;) Meanwhile, I'm havin a blast puttin the extra free time to the school I work with :)

Rodney King..

So let me do this before this computer I'm on shuts me down again...
I'm writing a paper on Black and Latino relations and comparing them West Coast and East Coast. I came across some info on the Rodney King Riots and found some Black and Whites on the Riots that I hella like..
I was 12 years old when this happened and I don't remember my parents or any of my teachers talking to us about what was going on.. I wish they did.. This story really moved me:

Cora Looney. Aged 102,
(as verified by her driver’s license)

After hearing on the news and on the street how officers were beating and shooting suspected looters, she went to every policeman she could find and pleaded for them to show restraint.


To not hurt anyone else. To please end the bloodshed and violence.


They laughed in her face.

She cried, but did not stop.

Accompanying Cora is her 78 year old daughter who drove her around in this 90 degree, smoke filled heat.

Life is great!

So, just as I was about to write my last paper, my computer starts shutting off and screen starts changing colors like its on "E" or something... I gotta get it serviced which means I won't be blogging for a minute.. which also means that those of you folks who are ready to purchase some pics.. just know that its gonna take a while before you get them cause I can't print them out... Sorry folx... :(

Hustlin'

Ok so my bank account has reached serious negative status. I've resorted to sellin some books @ Amazon (please don't try to search for some of the embarrassing books I'm tryin to get rid of!) and I'm gonna start sellin some of my photo prints online. Click on "Tigera's Photography" to the right to view some of my work. If you see somethin you like, on my blog there's a "paypal donation" button. I'm sellin 8 x 10 digital color prints on photo paper for 13 bucks a pop (you are welcome to donate a bit more if you can afford to). Black and White originals will be out soon after June 1st.. I promise!!! On the "Payment for" space you can put the name of the title of the print you want so I know which one to send you. Sorry I can't afford to frame them but I'm hopin that when I get to sellin my originals, I'll be makin enough to offer frames. If you can pass this on to other folks who are interested in photography or Dominican perspectives, please do. Good lookin' in advance yall! I'm hopin to have the time to finally put my stuff out into actual galleries once the semester is over!
Tigera
P.S. I'm doing 12 x 18 now for 20 bucks a piece.. so specify what size yall want..the larger ones will take 3-5 business days to ship out but you will be poppin yo collar when u have visitors ova and they check out ur walls and say "nice crib yo!"

When Ignorance is in Session, So is Self-Hate

This Article was written as an attack on the youth at the school I teach in and below is my response...

This is just another excuse to victim blame and criminalize youth. Of course the media will always pull the "pull the race card" phrase, clearly illustrating the fact that it is harder for some to accept the reality of institutionalized racism being alive and well, even by those affected by its internalizing factor, such as the black reporter himself. Colonization has run so deep as to cause us to alienate our own children, which is why they retaliate, even in ways that are self-destructive, only because the cause of their alienation seems to manifest itself everywhere and in everything. Many choose to blame our youth and look over the fact that youth of color are denied almost all the choices they have rights to (jobs, education, adequate health care, safe homes, justice) and are only perpetually left with means to live that continue to place them in stereotypes, these are not choices, these are tools of oppression.
It is easier to run away into the Oakland hills and pretend the problem is not there, that is the American Way. Make it to the top, and fuck the rest. The result as we see here is not only that we begin to turn against each other (divide and conquer) but that the problem continues to exist, and instead of healing the situation, healing those surviving in a world that continues to demonize them, instead those who have "made it out" adopt the oppressor's role and take steps to further stay in denial of the issue and push them along the sidelines. The mentality adopted becomes "they are not my problem" and so our youth are expected to either rot in jails, mental institutions, or "find some trouble" in the ghetto "but not in my neighborhood." Is it not true that these young people are the shapers of our futures? To not invest in them, is to not invest in our own futures. And so investing in our youth is an act of self-love, and those of us who criminalize and demonize our youth must stop to think what are the factors that have caused us to internalize self-hate. How is it that having a school open up in your neighborhood is viewed as an undesirable act? How is it that a school brings "trouble" and not assets for the residents themselves? The failure is to see that the "trouble" stems from the neglect of our youth's lives, not the institution that attempts to work with our youth and their families to work against the real problem. Our youth have seen young family members pass away, have been born into poverty, have been born into economically neglected neighborhoods, have been born into a state of violence, a war directed against them by the very institutions that claim to defend equality for all, and yet we are not all given those equal opportunities from the moment we come into this world, this battlefeild. But even in the midst of this war I've seen our youth find ways to cultivate love and hope, something most adults have difficulty identifying today within themselves. In a society that teaches them self-hate, they have found it in themselves to resist by becomming active in their own education and the education of others. I have seen them plan and talk about the future well-being of their people, the least they need is for their own people to turn their backs on them and give them one more reason to turn backs on themselves. If our young generation have turned their backs on themselves we can blame the oppressor, those who control resources, but we must also remember that the blame is to be put on ourselves as well, for not taking action to truely and genuinly understand the severity of their anger and the strength of their love, so that we may be better positioned to ourselves become assets to our own communities and agents of change.

At War..

This was one of those weeks where I swear I heard/felt every gunshot wound, every mother's cry, every husband's blow to the face, every woman's trauma in the midst of violation, every child's neglect, every loss of job or eviction due to the oppressive state that goes as far as to steal from a poor man trying to feed his family. It was one of those weeks where I became aware of every past and present, hidden and overt, mental and physical act of violence that my people have experienced throughout generations, I experienced them all simultaneously like spirits conjuring up speechless words to remind me their stories. I crept up in my own dreams, becomming my own enemy. The world was hard to look at.. everything was a reminder of the still living conquistador.

The cracks on the sidewalks could have opened up to some hand, raised from one of the many sacred indigenous burial sites gone ignored by manifest destiny and the industrial movement, to grab hold of my ankle and take me further into the depth of all this. Every brand name hanging from shoulders, necks, waists, and feet were invisibible chains, the modern-day work world the plantation. I could have declared war with a one person army, myself, except I saw that the colonizer has crept within the depths of me as well. I was filled with anger at the fact that I have never known what it is like to be free or to even comprehend a moment of it, because having been born into a slave state as an enslaved woman, has never afforded me the chance to know myself, my potential, my love, my spirit, outside of the confines of mental, spiritual, or physical colonization. I was filled with rage at the fact that at 25 the concept of bringing forth life is such a sin and an oppressive state to be in, although my ancestors, having lived a day where children were celebrated blessings, are asking me questions about my life. Every tear that rolled down my face was a "fuck you!" to the colonizer that I could not vocalize, for there was no one tangible target to cap, shank, or tear to pieces. And I cried myself into war with myself, the enemy that has crept within me, wanting him out, wanting him exorcized, wanting the self I had never known, feeling I could never be genuinely loved without having known that true self to introduce to others and a true self to truely know.

I have been surviving since my mother's thigh wet with the ocean, and I have only known myself as a survivor, a warrior. A warrior ignited by anger, because violence was introduced at a young age and I began to know it well. The world has always been an open battlefield, always vulnerable to attacks, no hills to hide over except denial itself. Denial I think is what keeps people sane and in some ways complacent, because I could have taken up arms right there on the train, right there on campus or in class, right there on the sidewalk, in the supermarket, right there on the crosswalk or while jaywalking the freeway, right there in front of five Oh in the hood, right there in the classroom in front of my students, right there in my livingroom or in the bathroom while sittin on my toilet, right there on the papers they think I write for a mere letter grade... The war never leaves my mind. The war never leaves me.

Makin Do

So you know them days when you haven't gone food shoppin for more than a month either because there is no money or no time or both, so you just stop by the supermarket on your way home from work/school and pick up a potatoe, an apple, or a few carrots or whatever u got cash for at the moment?

Those are them days you be comming up with some really good original food to eat! Well, just the other day I looked at my almost empty fridge and grabbed me a sweet yam, a left over half cut ball of red onion, one of those 79 cent cans of tomatoe paste, and whatever is left of my peppercorn. I looked at the ginger I had stole a few weeks back but I thought it'd be doin too much for this combination.. So I cut and fried up the yam till it got a little brown on it, added them onions chopped.. by then it was already smellin so good! Before the onions cooked all the way I added the tomoatoe paste and swirled it around, and my what an apatizin sight that was! I added the peppercorn while it was still on the fire and then threw it on ma plate.. I spotted some nutritional yeast that someone had given me in a ziplock bag and sprinkled it and wala! Buen provecho!

I just tried the same thing but with a red potatoe instead and it was not as good :( so the sweet yam really made a difference.. Just thought I'd share one of my newly discovered po' person's recipe.. got any of yours?
Does this count as a blog for fun post? Can I get an extension?

Somethin to celebrate..

...its good to be reminded that the long days and nights of study are giving me something back to get to where I need to be.. just this morning at 5am I opened my e-mail and got my acceptance to IRT ! I'm excited and hoping to meet more beautiful people dedicated to the cause in education! Its a program that recruits POC into graduate schools with the mission to get into teaching in marginalized urban neighborhoods..

Fuckin Pist Off!

So I'm working on a paper for community development and I'm looking at initiatives that root from the voice of the people vs initiatives that gentrify and perpetuate CULTURAL GENOCIDE and the lack of integrity for a community. While I have some criticisms about some of the things he says, I think this article can give yall a pretty clear picture of what's going on in Harlem..

Who Owns Harlem?

I feel fired up enough to incite a riot!
I am finding that there is SO MUCH curruption and structural violence that took/ is taking place to "rebuild" Harlem..
All those great African artists that sprung out in Harlem and Malcolm X must be rollin in their graves and I hope they will be with me spiritually when I come back home....

What its still striving to look like now:




What they're turning it into:



BTW, None of these pix are mine...

Great Nerdy Ways to keep me distracted from FINAL PAPERS!

Aside from blog hopping and looking up interesting tangent information based on my papers...


This shit is crazy!! (I'm glad it ain't on real time tho... that would be too creepy)..
Its called Google Earth...
It will show you images of any spot in the world from the sky and outter space...
Type in your address and see how close you can get to detail...
Couldn't help but check out some terrain like the Grand Canyon too...
maybe this could have gotten me excited about geography in middle school...
Share it with kids if you've got any and let me know what they think!

Spring '06

The weather in Oakland is nice. Summer keeps wanting to peep through and the clouds tend to give way by midday, sun beamin in through my apartment windows, the apartment I have been so grateful for.

Its been a tug of war lately though between this creative drive that keeps wanting to peep through and my will to end this semester successfully. I knew I had it comming.. 21 units in one semester leaves you with at least 60 pages to write at the end of the semester. I have to remind myself though that this is good training. I'm building a muscle here, trying to balance academia with my teaching and creativity. Although so far I've been just keeping my head above water, I'm aiming for the day where I can juggle all this work with no sweat. Sometimes I have to wonder if I'm neglecting aspects of my own humanity. The world expects so much of me these days, and I think it has always been in my nature to live up to higher expectations than the world expects.

Once I am through with this semester though, its gonna be all about spendin hours in the darkroom with some new exciting projects I have in mind and non-stop writing.... Incentive....