Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Conquest
Come over to SPEAK and check out our read-a-thon in support of Andrea Smith's tenure case at U of Mich. Andrea Smith is one of the most revolutionary thinkers in exploring the intersections of oppression of people of color, women, survivors of sexual assault, and writes from an indigenous perspective. She's also a co-founder of Incite!.
Conquest is a must read for folks who are working for social change in any setting, and a must read for folks who are trying to understand how to reflect on their own process of decolonization.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Transforming Silence into Theory
What are the words you do not yet have? What do you need to say? What are the tyrannies you swallow day by day and attempt to make your own, until you sicken and die of them, still in silence? -Audre Lorde
On my venture to discover an epistemological framework that stems from experiences like my own, I've started to read and re-read some authors by radical women of color. First on my list is Audre Lorde's "Sister Outsider." I've only read a number of selected essays, including "Transformation of Silence into Language and Action," "Scratching the Surface: Some Notes on Barriers to Women and Loving," Uses of the Erotic: The Erotic as Power," "Sexism, An American Disease in Blackface," "The Master's Tools Will Never Dismantle the Master's House," and "Age, Race, Class, and Sex: Women Redefining Difference." (Whew!)
While I took more extensive notes relating to very specific moments and influential people in my life, I am choosing (at least for now) to focus on some broader themes. Below I've listed a few quotes that I think should be considered on this venture. The quotes I chose are focused more on initiating self-reflection and understanding the context of myself in society and myself in the movement. Definition and redefinition.
The future of our earth may depend upon the ability of all women to identify and develop new definitions of power and new patterns of relating across difference... For we have, built into all of us, old blueprints of expectation and response, old structures of oppression, and these must be altered at the same time as we alter the living conditions which are a result of those structures. For the master's tools will never dismantle the master's house. (123)
As I reflect on my responses to oppression, it seems that a lot of my inspirational drive is rooted in anger and destruction. I don't attempt to invalidate the existence of anger and the desire to destroy oppressive systems within society and within myself. I believe this drive comes from the desire to eradicate with urgency the injustices we survive each day. Every day is filled with negation- institutional driven negation, self-negation under the guise of self-regulation. But at what point and in what spaces do I really get to experience and understand an authentic self outside of "the master's house"? How am I to build a new "blueprint" for living if what I seem to have at my disposal are the master's tools?
[The master's tools] may allow us temporarily to beat him at his own game, but they will never enable us to bring about genuine change. And this fact is only threatening to those women who still define the master's house as their only source of support. (112)
To what extent have I been working under the influence of competition? Has my response to oppression been locked in a set of behaviors that perpetuate stagnation?
It is in the knowledge of the genuine conditions of our lives that we must draw our strength to live and our reasons for acting. -Simone de Beauvoir quoted by Audre Lorde (113)
What are the sources of knowledge I have not yet tapped into that stem from my own experiences? How have I been forced/trained/pressured to silence those places where knowledge has been forbidden? If I haven't been reaching into these spaces, where have my sources of knowledge been coming from and what are these other sources rooted in?
On my venture to discover an epistemological framework that stems from experiences like my own, I've started to read and re-read some authors by radical women of color. First on my list is Audre Lorde's "Sister Outsider." I've only read a number of selected essays, including "Transformation of Silence into Language and Action," "Scratching the Surface: Some Notes on Barriers to Women and Loving," Uses of the Erotic: The Erotic as Power," "Sexism, An American Disease in Blackface," "The Master's Tools Will Never Dismantle the Master's House," and "Age, Race, Class, and Sex: Women Redefining Difference." (Whew!)
While I took more extensive notes relating to very specific moments and influential people in my life, I am choosing (at least for now) to focus on some broader themes. Below I've listed a few quotes that I think should be considered on this venture. The quotes I chose are focused more on initiating self-reflection and understanding the context of myself in society and myself in the movement. Definition and redefinition.
The future of our earth may depend upon the ability of all women to identify and develop new definitions of power and new patterns of relating across difference... For we have, built into all of us, old blueprints of expectation and response, old structures of oppression, and these must be altered at the same time as we alter the living conditions which are a result of those structures. For the master's tools will never dismantle the master's house. (123)
As I reflect on my responses to oppression, it seems that a lot of my inspirational drive is rooted in anger and destruction. I don't attempt to invalidate the existence of anger and the desire to destroy oppressive systems within society and within myself. I believe this drive comes from the desire to eradicate with urgency the injustices we survive each day. Every day is filled with negation- institutional driven negation, self-negation under the guise of self-regulation. But at what point and in what spaces do I really get to experience and understand an authentic self outside of "the master's house"? How am I to build a new "blueprint" for living if what I seem to have at my disposal are the master's tools?
[The master's tools] may allow us temporarily to beat him at his own game, but they will never enable us to bring about genuine change. And this fact is only threatening to those women who still define the master's house as their only source of support. (112)
To what extent have I been working under the influence of competition? Has my response to oppression been locked in a set of behaviors that perpetuate stagnation?
It is in the knowledge of the genuine conditions of our lives that we must draw our strength to live and our reasons for acting. -Simone de Beauvoir quoted by Audre Lorde (113)
What are the sources of knowledge I have not yet tapped into that stem from my own experiences? How have I been forced/trained/pressured to silence those places where knowledge has been forbidden? If I haven't been reaching into these spaces, where have my sources of knowledge been coming from and what are these other sources rooted in?
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Wishful Thinking: Reflection and (Re)Vision
My body has spoken. One of the best words of advice I have recently received was from a fellow blogger hermana, Sudy, who said, "your body never lies." This is probably the most honest blog entry I've written in a long time.
Lately I've been insulated by the "go, go, go" motion of daily living. My body is tired, unmotivated, and unwilling to invest energy in situations I have in the past been able to sustain. I've only recently stopped to think, reflect, and scratch the surface of this ongoing depression. My mind took me to the one place I've been scared to go: What if the goal I've set for myself is not conducive to my role in inciting the change I want to incite? As a go-getter, strong willed (read: stubborn), goal oriented individual I was frightened by this prospect. Often times though, our bodies will take us to places our minds will not allow us to wander.
So I entertained this possibility. I had to reexamine my vision and its clarity. I had to reevaluate the course I was on. I had to rethink what epistemology I was working with. How much of my theoretical framework is male-centered? Has my vision been co-opted? An even worse fear came upon this reflection: Have I been unknowingly functioning through a framework that negates me and others like me (i.e. woc, queer, survivors of sexual and domestic violence, etc)?
Lex calls these silenced spaces. After talking to Lex, another blog hermana, I was surprised to find that someone else understood so clearly what I was experiencing. Ashley, another hermana I know from the world of educational institutions has experienced the exact same process of self examination. I am so blessed to share words with these amazing women.
Some of the questions I've begun to consider are:
How much do schooling institutions limit the way I want to reach my community? What was my vision before I became inspired to work in schools? What is my vision now, after working my way into that goal? How have others worked to inspire that goal and is this a vision that I truly encompass? Is this truly my vision? How effective is this vision in addressing and working through the issues that are important to me and those in my community? Do schools offer the authentic spaces for healing, decolonization, and self/community -actualization? Am I most productive in spaces of actualization vs. infiltration? Which one, if not both, or is there some other framework that is more conducive to epistemologies that reflect experiences like my own as a queer woman of color and a survivor? What DOES a queer/woman of color/survivor epistemological framework look like???
As part of trying to explore these questions, I decided to start by using a tool I've come across (sort of serendipitously on several occasions) through others' blogs. Its called a wishful thinking list. I sighted it first in Lex's blog and then mendi lewis obadike's website. I'm using it as a tool to clarify for myself what my experience is, what my vision is, and what my community is. This list is dedicated to my mother, myself, and other survivors of domestic and sexual violence. The number of items, 39, represents the number of years my mother has survived an abusive marriage with my father. The list is a work in progress and I could probably make other lists dedicated to other groups. This particular group or issue is one that stands in the forefront of my experience right now. It is the issue my body is working through, and the one my mother is working through in everything she does. Its a public issue that tends to get only personal attention:
1) People are attracted what you say before what you wear.
2) Your lovers respect you out of love and admiration.
3) When looking for work, building friendships, or making love, there is equal balance in power on all sides.
4) When you speak, your accent always enhances the profundity of your words.
5) At all learning institutions, teachers and instructors are aware of your presence and the learning needs of others like yourself.
6) Others do not see you as up for game as you walk to the corner store and any man that comes to close proximity is not a threat.
7) If you feel that the fire has burnt out, your lover will not manipulate you into staying.
8) Your body is unscarred and holds memories of only love.
9) Your heart is unscarred and unafraid to love.
10) You control who has access to your body.
11) Your lovers remind you that they are blown away by your keen insight and intelligence.
12) Male leaders in your community are genuine, consistent, and acknowledge your skills as necessary assets to your community.
13) The female leaders in your community are plentiful and draw from their experiences as women; they are a reflection of you.
14) Financial difficulties have never been a factor in deciding whether to bear children or not.
15) You feel alive, healthy, and strong in your body, all the time, everywhere.
16) What, how, and where you worship has never incited fear or violence.
17) All human touch you experience from others will come out of love.
18) You are calm, comfortable, sociable, and happy around others you don’t know.
19) No one will try to isolate you from the people you love.
20) You know where you came from, what your name is, and where you want to go.
21) You have memories of your father guiding and loving you with words of encouragement, inspiration, wisdom, and love.
22) Your cultural practices are valued by those different than you.
23) There is no dominant culture; the only thing dominant is diversity and love.
24) Nobody takes you for granted.
25) Your children are safe wherever they are, whomever they are with, and whatever they are doing.
26) Any country you choose to travel to acknowledges the strength, value, and inner-beauty of all women.
27) You can acquire clothing and other goods without wondering if other women and children were abused in the process of its creation.
28) When you speak, others listen.
29) Every opportunity for intellectual, physical, and spiritual growth is available to you just when you need it.
30) When others use your name in conversation, you are assured that they refer to your greatness and talent.
31) When you dream, you smile in your sleep.
32) When I smell your scent in a piece of garment, I am reminded of memories of you as always happy, free, and loved.
33) Your children admire your strength.
34) There is always time to pursue what your heart desires.
35) You know what your heart desires.
36) Your stories are considered anecdotes for wisdom.
37) You consume food without guilt.
38) Every tear your have shed has been out of joy.
39) Every moment you spend alone is done with self-love and out of choice.
Much like BFP's 40 Days of Contemplation I've decided to embark on a journey to define my epistemological framework by reading works by other radical women of color, queer woc, and works by woc on survival. Audre Lorde, Sandra Cisneros, Andrea Smith, Patricia Collins, and Anzaldua are among those in my list. If you could recommend any please share. Also, if you've got a list to share of your own, please link it here, as I am continually inspired by others who are exploring their visions as well.
Lately I've been insulated by the "go, go, go" motion of daily living. My body is tired, unmotivated, and unwilling to invest energy in situations I have in the past been able to sustain. I've only recently stopped to think, reflect, and scratch the surface of this ongoing depression. My mind took me to the one place I've been scared to go: What if the goal I've set for myself is not conducive to my role in inciting the change I want to incite? As a go-getter, strong willed (read: stubborn), goal oriented individual I was frightened by this prospect. Often times though, our bodies will take us to places our minds will not allow us to wander.
So I entertained this possibility. I had to reexamine my vision and its clarity. I had to reevaluate the course I was on. I had to rethink what epistemology I was working with. How much of my theoretical framework is male-centered? Has my vision been co-opted? An even worse fear came upon this reflection: Have I been unknowingly functioning through a framework that negates me and others like me (i.e. woc, queer, survivors of sexual and domestic violence, etc)?
Lex calls these silenced spaces. After talking to Lex, another blog hermana, I was surprised to find that someone else understood so clearly what I was experiencing. Ashley, another hermana I know from the world of educational institutions has experienced the exact same process of self examination. I am so blessed to share words with these amazing women.
Some of the questions I've begun to consider are:
How much do schooling institutions limit the way I want to reach my community? What was my vision before I became inspired to work in schools? What is my vision now, after working my way into that goal? How have others worked to inspire that goal and is this a vision that I truly encompass? Is this truly my vision? How effective is this vision in addressing and working through the issues that are important to me and those in my community? Do schools offer the authentic spaces for healing, decolonization, and self/community -actualization? Am I most productive in spaces of actualization vs. infiltration? Which one, if not both, or is there some other framework that is more conducive to epistemologies that reflect experiences like my own as a queer woman of color and a survivor? What DOES a queer/woman of color/survivor epistemological framework look like???
As part of trying to explore these questions, I decided to start by using a tool I've come across (sort of serendipitously on several occasions) through others' blogs. Its called a wishful thinking list. I sighted it first in Lex's blog and then mendi lewis obadike's website. I'm using it as a tool to clarify for myself what my experience is, what my vision is, and what my community is. This list is dedicated to my mother, myself, and other survivors of domestic and sexual violence. The number of items, 39, represents the number of years my mother has survived an abusive marriage with my father. The list is a work in progress and I could probably make other lists dedicated to other groups. This particular group or issue is one that stands in the forefront of my experience right now. It is the issue my body is working through, and the one my mother is working through in everything she does. Its a public issue that tends to get only personal attention:
1) People are attracted what you say before what you wear.
2) Your lovers respect you out of love and admiration.
3) When looking for work, building friendships, or making love, there is equal balance in power on all sides.
4) When you speak, your accent always enhances the profundity of your words.
5) At all learning institutions, teachers and instructors are aware of your presence and the learning needs of others like yourself.
6) Others do not see you as up for game as you walk to the corner store and any man that comes to close proximity is not a threat.
7) If you feel that the fire has burnt out, your lover will not manipulate you into staying.
8) Your body is unscarred and holds memories of only love.
9) Your heart is unscarred and unafraid to love.
10) You control who has access to your body.
11) Your lovers remind you that they are blown away by your keen insight and intelligence.
12) Male leaders in your community are genuine, consistent, and acknowledge your skills as necessary assets to your community.
13) The female leaders in your community are plentiful and draw from their experiences as women; they are a reflection of you.
14) Financial difficulties have never been a factor in deciding whether to bear children or not.
15) You feel alive, healthy, and strong in your body, all the time, everywhere.
16) What, how, and where you worship has never incited fear or violence.
17) All human touch you experience from others will come out of love.
18) You are calm, comfortable, sociable, and happy around others you don’t know.
19) No one will try to isolate you from the people you love.
20) You know where you came from, what your name is, and where you want to go.
21) You have memories of your father guiding and loving you with words of encouragement, inspiration, wisdom, and love.
22) Your cultural practices are valued by those different than you.
23) There is no dominant culture; the only thing dominant is diversity and love.
24) Nobody takes you for granted.
25) Your children are safe wherever they are, whomever they are with, and whatever they are doing.
26) Any country you choose to travel to acknowledges the strength, value, and inner-beauty of all women.
27) You can acquire clothing and other goods without wondering if other women and children were abused in the process of its creation.
28) When you speak, others listen.
29) Every opportunity for intellectual, physical, and spiritual growth is available to you just when you need it.
30) When others use your name in conversation, you are assured that they refer to your greatness and talent.
31) When you dream, you smile in your sleep.
32) When I smell your scent in a piece of garment, I am reminded of memories of you as always happy, free, and loved.
33) Your children admire your strength.
34) There is always time to pursue what your heart desires.
35) You know what your heart desires.
36) Your stories are considered anecdotes for wisdom.
37) You consume food without guilt.
38) Every tear your have shed has been out of joy.
39) Every moment you spend alone is done with self-love and out of choice.
Much like BFP's 40 Days of Contemplation I've decided to embark on a journey to define my epistemological framework by reading works by other radical women of color, queer woc, and works by woc on survival. Audre Lorde, Sandra Cisneros, Andrea Smith, Patricia Collins, and Anzaldua are among those in my list. If you could recommend any please share. Also, if you've got a list to share of your own, please link it here, as I am continually inspired by others who are exploring their visions as well.
Saturday, February 02, 2008
Friday Myday
So in the practice of getting into the rhythm of full time teaching, I've finally decided to designate a block of time to myself. I call it Friday Mydays! (Corny enough?) Since the roads were too dangerous with ice, sleet, and snow, to drive to the bar to shoot pool, I found myself creating a website with googlepages. Although it doesn't allow enough flexibility to get too creative, I don't think it came out too bad. See for yourself: The Examined Life.
Saturday, January 05, 2008
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Just like old times...
Made it to NYC and I'm really feeling in my element! Although I'm still trying to finish up some grad school work, I'm taking the necessary time out here and there to see fam and celebrate my sister's birthday. Yesterday was prob the best umm... Dec 25th I've had yet! I got to spend it with lil sis in her neighborhood taking some ameture model photos in the Bronx. It was just like old times, when we would make the best of our imaginations with what little we had, except now our play tools have upgraded to digital cams and play spaces to anywhere on the block we please to roam. Check out a few images below and if you wanna see more, click on the little flickr badge to your left.
Monday, December 10, 2007
Fem Watch Episode 1: Say It Ain't So Feminism
Commentary on "feminist" blogging. Hilariously serious!
Sudy ROCKS yall!
Sudy ROCKS yall!
Monday, December 03, 2007
Forbidden Dream #2
I saw you come up towards me
I, smirking
You, curious
Wanting to know what you
Wanted to find out
I had a secret
You
Full of repressed joy
Took my receptive
Body
Picked up your exhilarated thoughts
Sat me down onto some bed
Inside some strangely familiar room
What's the secret?
Oh,
Its not what you were hoping
Notwithstanding
You took me into your bold arms
Choosing the forbidden
Fuck the conventions
Attempting to
Steal a kiss
I was still
Taken aback
My teeth lock-jawed
Over your finger
Over the moment
What came of your desire
That now became mine?
A common
Forbidden
Desire
12/4 2am EST
I, smirking
You, curious
Wanting to know what you
Wanted to find out
I had a secret
You
Full of repressed joy
Took my receptive
Body
Picked up your exhilarated thoughts
Sat me down onto some bed
Inside some strangely familiar room
What's the secret?
Oh,
Its not what you were hoping
Notwithstanding
You took me into your bold arms
Choosing the forbidden
Fuck the conventions
Attempting to
Steal a kiss
I was still
Taken aback
My teeth lock-jawed
Over your finger
Over the moment
What came of your desire
That now became mine?
A common
Forbidden
Desire
12/4 2am EST
Saturday, December 01, 2007
Staceyann Chin- The One Who Started the Fire
This miraculous woman, was the first model I had that exemplified the powerful ability of queer, women of color to move audiences. She was a guest in my English class in high school back in '99 (I think) and I walked in late not knowing that day I was going to finally learn something about myself, something relative.
She was uncensored, raw, full of fire, and redefined sexy... seriously- at least for me as a high school student in those days. I followed her to the final slam at the Nuyorican Poet's Cafe, and even though she had lost to Kirk Nugent, she captivated my spirit. For those of you who had been to the Nuyorican, you know how small the space is- the place was packed and spilling over with bodies squatting on floors, filling up stair cases, after having paid their 10 bucks with no complaints- they were there for the holy ghost subsumed in these poets' words. This was the first day of the rest of my life.
Afterwards, my writing become charged and took on a more sophisticated character, knowing then I wanted to write for others to be validated by my words, and in turn validating my own humanity. I joined a spoken word workshop with Youth Speaks, and this helped me begin the process of developing my voice, not just in poetry but everywhere else in my life as well.
But when the spirit came down... damn. It was my first performance at the Nuyorican. I was furious that day. That day I had deeply upset my mother on her birthday- and I was raging, fumin'! I was conflicted as to whether to allow her to come witness this side of me she hadn't known. I was scared, either I'd fuck up and she'd think "oh how cute" or I'd do a great job and she'd judge or misunderstand me and the whole performance aspect. So I left her, and that fed the fire. I only brought my little sister with me. Throughout the whole train ride from Harlem down to the Lower East Side, my thoughts kept kindling the fire. When I got up on stage I was a dragon with fire blowing out of me, and everyone I looked at was connected, people were nodding their heads, yelling out "Yes!", shouting- they were right here with me, almost inside me, burning in the flames. It was my first standing ovation. I had finally come to myself.
Monday, November 26, 2007
Because the Zapatistas are a role model for hope
Break the silence
by way of Necalli Olin Tonatiuh via Zapagringo
A few selections from Necalli Olin Tonatiuh's article. Please visit link for full text- this is crucial.
The Government intends to dismantle Zapatista autonomous municipalities
In an offensive of a ferocity unprecedented in the last 9 years - since the
government of Roberto Albores Aguillen and Ernesto Zedillo Ponce de Leo'n
ordered the dismantling of the Zapatista autonomous municipalities - the
autonomous Zapatista communities are suffering a brutal attack on the part
of the Mexican State through their agrarian institutions, "Public Security"
instances, the Mexican Federal Army and the formation of paramilitary
groups. The increase of aggressions and the intents of land seizures and
forced evictions are getting alarmingly worse.
....
Subtotal of hectares designed for seizures and evictions: 10.544 hectares.
The present list of populations subjected to and threatened by being robbed
and violently displaced from their lands and territories totals less than a
half of the threatened communities; this enumeration is only partial.
The threats of seizures and evictions are accompanied by daily aggressions
against Zapatista support bases of the types: threats, arbitrary detentions,
damages of private property, lesions, injuries under the use of prohibited
arms, robberies, abuses of office, etc. In a particularly shameful and
selective form, federal and state authorities adopt political prisoners to
use them in illegal and illegitimate negotiations, attempting to trade
releases for evictions.
by way of Necalli Olin Tonatiuh via Zapagringo
A few selections from Necalli Olin Tonatiuh's article. Please visit link for full text- this is crucial.
The Government intends to dismantle Zapatista autonomous municipalities
In an offensive of a ferocity unprecedented in the last 9 years - since the
government of Roberto Albores Aguillen and Ernesto Zedillo Ponce de Leo'n
ordered the dismantling of the Zapatista autonomous municipalities - the
autonomous Zapatista communities are suffering a brutal attack on the part
of the Mexican State through their agrarian institutions, "Public Security"
instances, the Mexican Federal Army and the formation of paramilitary
groups. The increase of aggressions and the intents of land seizures and
forced evictions are getting alarmingly worse.
....
Subtotal of hectares designed for seizures and evictions: 10.544 hectares.
The present list of populations subjected to and threatened by being robbed
and violently displaced from their lands and territories totals less than a
half of the threatened communities; this enumeration is only partial.
The threats of seizures and evictions are accompanied by daily aggressions
against Zapatista support bases of the types: threats, arbitrary detentions,
damages of private property, lesions, injuries under the use of prohibited
arms, robberies, abuses of office, etc. In a particularly shameful and
selective form, federal and state authorities adopt political prisoners to
use them in illegal and illegitimate negotiations, attempting to trade
releases for evictions.
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Raw processing...
So yesterday I put myself through a healing writing processes. I realized that I had been spending so much time engaged in all these other activities in academia that don't always take my own humanity into account. I'm realizing how difficult it is to get through when I ignore that inner me. The academic work (busy work) I'm asked to do is surface level, never getting into the heart of issues, or at least not to the depth that I see them, or I am constantly engaged in resisting, resisting, resisting- mostly with very little or no support. I realized that I'm not doing much in actualizing/creating.
"My creativity - that's what I am missing, lost, silenced, tamed- for who, what, when did this occur and how do I take up the courage to draw it back and become?"
After some more writing, there was something else that was painful I was realizing. That for the most part, I had been alone- some part of me has been alone, if not all of me. I can't name one person alive that knows me completely. The "who" that was and has been in the process of becoming. There are a few people that know me at different stages of my life, people I love. But nobody, that knows all of me. That shit tripped me out. And it left me thinking more about spaces I allow (or not allow) myself to completely be.
"And if I should die tomorrow, only my ancestors who sent me here would know who I was to become, what I have struggled through, what I have come to know..."
Then I asked myself,
"What would I have to offer them?"
I thought about purpose. Staying focused. I know why I am here, and without this purpose, there is no existence.
"I cannot die and go back effortless. The concept of a warrior."
But this is where I hit bedrock in search of the earth's core. Are there parts of my own humanity that were meant to be sacrificed for the sake of purpose? Do the two really have to contradict? My mind says no, because revolutionary change and one's humanity are synonymous. But in actuality, it sometimes seems as if there's never enough time or space for both...
And yes, as the grainy photobooth picture indicates, I am tired and emotionally/physically burnt out!
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